2018, the year I lost my Nan x

2018, the year I lost my Nan x

& just like that Christmas 2018 has been and gone. All the panic buying of additions such as reindeer poop on the Facebook marketplace for the kids Christmas Eve Boxes, comparing the best prices on the web for the toy asked for by said child after seeing a new Father Christmas & pounding your way through every tub of Treeslets and Twiglets is over and the New Year is finally upon us!

2019 is almost here and I finally understand why some people hate New Year.
I’ve never been one for New Year, when I first turned 18 I hit the clubs, the ‘it’ Too Damn Glam party at Golf Clubs that year, bought overpriced tickets, queued for 20mins+ for a watered down vodka & jumped up and down at 12 singing Pitbull but in recent years I’ve opted for a meal and then home with family to see in 12am.

This year has brought me the most angst and grief that I have ever felt in my whole life. When I lost my Nan in February this year, I knew my heart would never beat the same again, my lovely Rambling Rose finally closed her eyes and gave up her fight with dementia and I made it there to hold her hand with just minutes to spare. Something inside of you changes when you lose a grandparent, my Nan was my one and only, I lost my Grandad in 1998 and my Nan was our rock, the heart of our family – it still hurts talking of her in the past tense. She was simply wonderful, it breaks me something chronic that I’ll never hear her infectious roaring laugh or hear another one of her stories but most of all that my children won’t grow up to have their Grandma by their side because I know she would of simply adored them.

Knowing that tomorrow night when the clock strikes 12:00am will mean that we are no longer in the year where I last saw my Nan hurts more than I could imagine & I finally understand why those that have lost dislike New Year because yes it marks a New Year of prosperity and opportunity but it also marks a New Year without those that didn’t make it.

BUT I have made some great memories in 2018 despite my almighty loss, I’ve traveled to Amsterdam, Marrakesh, Budapest, had breaks with Frankie, started thetwentyishmum after years of procrastinating, explored and blogged some great places, watched Frankie grow from a baby to a boy, potty train, ditch the dummy, got into the Marathon (which of course I can no longer do), got a new role back in The City & now to embark on our journey of becoming a family of four and most importantly Frankie a big brother! I’ve highlighted our best bits together on my Instagram highlights
Instagram @_thetwentyishmum

I make the same resolutions every year, to lose weight, tone up, dry January, save more, spend less etc. but 2019 I will only be making one, despite being somewhat of a sceptic when it comes to the paranormal and however cheesy it may seem, my resolution is to smile more, because although I’ve no longer got my Nannie here with me I know she’s somewhere watching over me & she wouldn’t want anything less. x

Happy New Year, make it count x


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