As Frankie’s third birthday approaches I am finding myself thinking more and more about having another baby. I always mentally thought that I would be trying, if not pregnant around his third birthday, with baby number two. The fact that I’m not has been weighing heavily on my head at the moment, I feel like so many people I know are getting pregnant, trying to or having babies and I find myself feeling more and more broody!
I feel like when you want something or even just thinking about it, it’s everywhere:
- Thinking about buying a 4×4? All you see is 4×4’s on the road in the exact model and colour you’ve been auto-trading all day.
- Thinking about buying a new handbag? Every women that walks past will be carrying a Birkin or a knock off anyway..
- Thinking about getting pregnant or newborns? Bumps & babies galore, all you will see is iCandy prams and new mothers on every street corner.
Yesterday I went and visited a pregnant friend in hospital on the ward where I was taken after I had Frankie, she was actually in the bed next to the one I was in where I stayed the night after having Frankie – (Frankie’s Birth – Labour Story) and it brought back so many memories and emotion! I could hear newborns barely hours old crying in the next bay, new parents cradling their new babies and proud grandparents coming onto the ward to visit their daughters and bundles of joy. As I walked past I could see new mothers eating their lunch with their little babies in the perspex box cribs next to them and I wondered if they were on their first or second, how they were feeling and I was surprised to find myself in awe of them! Does that mean I’m broody? Am I ready for no.2?
I’m an only child and I’ve always known that I want a big family but I’ve finally started getting my career back on track and Frankie doesn’t need to rely on me as much as a newborn baby would, am I ready to go back to cracked nipples and nappy explosions yet?
Frankie amazes me all the time, he hop, skip, jumps, talks, sings and quite frankly doesn’t shut up most days. Every single day he grows a little bit more and adapts more of a personality, yesterday he roughly sung the whole of ‘Moana, Make Way’ to me and jigged up and down the living room and I sat and clapped and danced along with him too. Am I ready to share myself in two and give half of my love to a newborn? I honestly still don’t think I am but it doesn’t stop me from worrying, am I leaving the gap too large? Will I ever be ready? Is anyone ever ready? Will Frankie feel left out or unloved? What if I change my mind again?
I am asked all the time when I will have another, I think it’s just a standard question us Mums ask each other as well as others around us as I wrote about before in (So.. When you having another?!). We aren’t all the same and just because another Mum has a small age gap or has a bigger age gap doesn’t mean you have to conform, we all have a different path and honestly I don’t think I would cope having two just yet.
Frankie was my biggest surprise and he continues to be my biggest adventure and the light in all of our lives, when I decide to give him a sibling I want to be ready and have the surprise and excitement of actively trying to get pregnant, rather than finding out almost half way in, which you can read on at (How I found out I was pregnant) but until then I’m happy as a Mum of One, seeing newborns will continue to ache my ovaries and I can aww and coo over little baby outfits and cuddle my friends for now.