Does anyone else permanently feel like they’re against the clock when you’ve got kids? Everything has a’time frame’ or limit.

Want a shower or to get ready in the mornings? You know you’ve got 11 minutes until Thomas turns off and they come looking for you.. Dora is usually a good one around 19 minutes an episode thank the Lord (thank god we don’t watch Peppa anymore 5 minute episodes FFS makers!)

Need a food shop? The free fruit at Tesco will distract them for all of 3 minutes whilst they devour, or possibly (usually) cry because the banana has fallen out of the skin and want you to put it back together and you emerge spending £20 more than you actually budgeted for because you bought a shit comic that was £7 worth of plastic shit, a magnetic train and upteem packs of yollies & 3 for £1 sweets to shut them up while your trying to plan meals logistically for your week.

Planning a day out? You think they’ll absolutely love what you have planned because it’s FUN. Wrong, 50/50 they’ll be up for what you have planned and act like a total twat resulting in your well planned day turning to shite and returning home after an hour. If they do enjoy it e.g. park/softplay you know you have an hour turn around of chatting coffee with your mum friends before they demand you manoeuvre round the plastic filled shapes together and get stuck going through them narrow rolling things!

Mornings I truly feel like I am on a gameshow, maybe supermarket sweep, I can hear Dale Winton and a clock ticking cheering me on to try and get up at 6:30am and out the door by 7:15am to do the nursery run and make the 7:44am train avoiding in the process a total shit fit from Frankie, forgetting my work pass and getting our the door looking half corporate without sticky biscuit hands on me.

My days off Thursdays/Fridays, are full of washing, ironing, washing up, bed changes, food shops, food freezer prepping for Frankie for the next week and squeezing in some fun with my boy! By the time 5pm comes I’m usually more shattered than I am from doing a 12 hour day at work! Just cramming in a full weeks chores into 1.5 days.

If I want to ‘pop’ to a certain shop it involves planning now Frankie’s older, how many times I have honestly said ‘he’ll be fine without his buggy we’ll only be 10 minutes and he’s gone running down the shopping concourse to find a £1 sit in car which of course I tell him needs batteries until some other bastard child begs their parent and Frankie looks at me like I am the worst Mum in the world.. The truth is I never carry cash for them so he usually goes without, maybe they’ll take contactless soon enough. (tip for avoiding £1 cars/trucks/ice cream vans.. NEVER go to Braintree Outlet with your little ones, every corner has about 12 in succession, you won’t come out without spending a good £15 on rides!)

When you first find out your expecting, when they’re newborn, turn however many months or learn something new you will always be told ‘treasure this moment they don’t stay this small for long’ and you never truly believe them until BAM they’re turning 1, then 2 and you cannot believe how quick time has moved.

So embrace the MOMBIE, be you and enjoy every time constricted day (even the ones when they’re twats, I’m sure we’ll miss the stage when they keep throwing themselves on the floor one day no?)


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